Feeling your Feelings: How to Connect With Your Emotions and Body?

One of the questions I often ask my clients is, “How do you know your feelings?”

I’ll ask, “How do you know when you’re angry? How do you know when you’re anxious?”

And almost every time, they’ll tell me what they did.

“I started crying.”

“I yelled.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“I wanted to get away.”

And then I’ll curiously ask, “But where did you feel it in your body?”

Sometimes I get a puzzled look.

What does my body have to do with it?

A lot, actually.

Over the years of sitting with people and listening to their stories, I’ve become increasingly aware of how much our bodies communicate to us. Our emotions aren't just something that happen in our minds. They often show up physically, sometimes before we even have words for what we're feeling.

A lump in your throat might be sadness or grief.

A heaviness in your chest might be stress or fear.

Heat moving through your body might be anger.

That restless, unsettled feeling might be anxiety.

Sometimes our bodies know something before we do.

But recently, I was sitting with one of my clients when they looked at me and asked,

“What if I don’t feel anything in my body?”

I actually think this is such an important question.

Because sometimes we don't feel anything.

Sometimes we feel numb.

And numbness can be a powerful form of protection. When something feels too difficult, too painful, or too overwhelming, our bodies have ways of protecting us from experiencing more than we can handle in that moment.

So rather than pushing the numbness away or assuming something is wrong, I might ask,

“Can we get curious about what it feels like to feel numb?”

Maybe numbness feels empty.

Maybe it feels distant.

Maybe it feels heavy.

Maybe it feels like nothing at all.

And maybe, for now, that's okay.

We don't have to force ourselves to feel something before we're ready. Sometimes the safest place to begin is simply noticing what is there—or noticing that we don't feel anything at all.

I think many of us have learned to move away from our feelings rather than move toward them. We distract ourselves. We stay busy. We explain things away. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel a certain way. Or we focus so much on our behavior that we miss the emotion underneath it.

All of this makes so much sense.

Feelings can be uncomfortable. Sometimes they can feel overwhelming. And for many of us, no one ever taught us what to do with them.

But what if our feelings aren't something we need to get rid of?

What if they are trying to tell us something?

I often encourage my clients to slow down for a moment and simply notice.

What am I feeling?

Where do I feel it in my body?

What does it feel like?

If this feeling could speak, what might it be trying to tell me?

What does this feeling need right now?

There doesn't have to be an immediate answer.

Sometimes the first step is simply noticing.

Putting a hand on your chest. Feeling the tightness in your stomach. Noticing the lump in your throat. Feeling the heat in your face.

Just paying attention.

Our bodies hold so much wisdom. They are constantly communicating with us in the best way they know how.

And maybe learning to feel our feelings isn't about becoming better at controlling them.

Maybe it's about becoming better at listening to ourselves.

Because underneath the crying, the anger, the anxiety, the shutting down, or the urge to run away, there is often something inside of us asking to be noticed, understood, and cared for.